She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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