Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
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You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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