My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
