I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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