No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
