Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
