Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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