Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
