i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
