The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
apparently the secret to your success is patron
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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