call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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