What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
