My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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