Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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