You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
