My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
