WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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