someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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