sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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