one two three fourrrrnication!
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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