i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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