could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
