YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
