Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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