the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
