You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
