Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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