So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
