he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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