brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Enjoy the penises
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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