so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
