i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
