just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
