im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
