you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
