I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
