Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
