i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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