It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We just shotgunned beers for America
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize