i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
