I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?