omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He has the fingertips of a God
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