Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is