As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
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No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
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Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.