when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.