i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.