Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.