how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
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i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She told me I should be a condom model.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
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He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This can only be settled by a dance off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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