I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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