Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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