My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
