Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
The air taste purple.
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