I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
