what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
