i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
