dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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