I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Less talking, more tequila
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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