R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They are going to name an STD after you.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
