I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
