she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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