So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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