Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
