The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize