I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
