I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
