Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
