Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
