I hate your face
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ttyl tear gas
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
