ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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