Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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