I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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