so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
