Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
