I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
