I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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