I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
